scrambling

Recording down this stage of my life so that I could come back in the future and look back at what I've experienced, my current feelings, thoughts on my mind and my decisions. I'm at this stage of my life where I am a fresh graduate looking for direction in my life. I know that I need to do something with my life, but I just couldn't seem to be sure of what it is. I need something more than just the life I've always thought it would be. Yes I like the career pathway that I'm gonna be in, but is that all I want?   

My whole life has been quite proper, as in I have been taking the steps everyone would say "yeap that's good". I do like my chosen pathway, but I am starting to wonder if I am going too fast in my life that I've missed out on other possibilities. I started SAM in January right after Form 5, then degree in February right after I finish SAM, and now I'm doing professional papers right after my degree. I didn't step back and think about what am I gonna do apart from my chosen career. I am constantly moving ahead, no pausing. I dream of other possibilities, I do, since young in fact, but I just didn't manage to pull myself to the stage that I finally put it into a reality. And eventually I thought okay, I'll definitely realise my dreams, maybe when I'm gonna retire. Maybe I don't have enough faith, or maybe I'm not brave enough, maybe I'm letting the sunlights out there to scare me off...

But now, I realise I just couldn't let myself to push the dreams further. Don't know if it's a good thing aiming more like this, or just focus on my chosen career pathway. But hey, life is short, I don't wanna regret about my life. I firmly believe that no matter what decision we made in the past, we should not regret it even it was a bad decision because we learnt something out of it, no matter how bad the lesson was.

I am currently looking into what I wanna do apart from my chosen career pathway, when, where, and how am I gonna realise it along with my future career. I seriously need to sort things out. Feeling quite lost at this stage...

Could've chosen the left door without lock but I am trying to open the door with lock on the right...


p/s: took the photos above this morning and realised they're totally reflecting my thoughts! such coincidence..