Fun and not-so-fun

I'm actually feeling so tired now but so many thoughts hanging in my mind that I couldn't sleep. Didn't feel like talking to ppl as well. I just need some space for myself. Or actually I need to talk to people that I trust but this whole time zone is not helping! =( I miss people that are used to be around me. Growing up is no fun. Ok maybe there is fun but I feel that the responsibility is getting too heavy and everything you do, you have to think it for long term and look at it in a far more realistic way. Seriously, I don't want to see myself in some miserable endings. The whole adult thing has grown so much in me, it's making me suffocated. I need to go somewhere, alone, or just with bestie, no one else, to freaking chill down and get a new start. I know that I need something, but I'm not quite sure what it is, maybe somekind of assurance or confidence.

Looking at the bright side, at least I am fortunate enough to enjoy good food and some travel fun. Oh yes and I've survived two weeks with my own work pay so far. I know there are so many people out there that are already financially independent, I'm starting out, but never too late to start right =) Hoping to be fully independent financially soon. Dear God, please send me some good luck. 

Finally had breakfast at Manchester Press, the last time I went there, I only ordered coffee instead of breakfast. Who knows the breakfast was so good! Don't usually like egg breakfast because they are always still gel-like texture, but this baked egg with salmon, pesto and goat cheese is so good! and the eggs were well-baked so not gel-like =) Speaking of food, I am actually thinking I should make a notebook or another blog just to record the cafes I went!

And their famous bagel, this one is with chorizo and tomatoes.

Since Clarence is here, we visited Sovereign Hill at Ballarat, my first time there too because it's so damn far away from the city. It took us approximately 2 hours to reach there by train and another 15 minutes bus ride. Actually it's pretty similar with the village I went to in New Zealand, but this one is a mining village.

This is how they try to find some gold, just like how we learnt in History when we were in secondary school lol everyone trying their luck

Double C - Clement and Clarence, and I on the mining tower.

Since it's winter now, they made this fake snow to match the Christmas theme lol so nice!

Colour-block knit wear =P

Ok this is a random picture, but I'm loving the new blue scarf I'm wearing haha

life after graduate

It has been so long since I last wrote on this diary. Time flies! But I really have to make some updates now so that I can read it and reflect myself in the future.

First of all, I'm doing things that I never thought I'm really gonna do it. As in I do not reject doing them but I never expect myself doing them in near future. I only thought of them as things that I can accept or I might do, which are waitress-ing at fine-dining, distributing flyers and www.themellowland.weebly.com Perhaps I am really pushing myself to be more independent. Or I see all these as part of growing up and more exposure. All I know is that I am never gonna regret my every decision, I am not afraid or shameful doing things that people don't see me doing. I know some people may be doubting why on earth am I doing those jobs for? or laughing at me doing these useless stuffs. Honestly, part of it is for financial independent, part of it is I really do see different things from everything I do. I can't really put it into words, but seriously, I always see/learn something new in almost every new thing I do. So, just do it yo! It's my life!

Of course during hard times I feel down and sad and disappointed and abandoned by the world yadiyada. A friend recently told me that I looked so steady facing my graduate life. hahahah really? I never thought I gave such impression to my friends. In fact, I was so worried, I cried, I got so disappointed. But I'm glad to have supports and love to bring me up and so I get over those negative emotions every single time. Then I look forward to every little things that's gonna happen in my life. Come on, life's short, everyone knows that! Cheer up, get over the bad things that happened, look at the bright side, be grateful! How fortunate I am to be here, to have all the people I love and experiencing a life like mine!

a short break

So exams have finally ended. Glad to hit a pause on the studies, but what's next really hit me hard. Within this two and a half month period, besides studying for those papers, I've settled down in this new environment, had my graduation ceremony, travelled three states with dad, and attended Bersih 3.0 in Melbourne. Quite a packed 2.5 months actually. Journey continues. Now, gotta continue job hunting and hope for the best.  Hopefully I can get a permanent job before next semester starts.

LOVE is a four letter word

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we didn't tend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

how insensitive

I feel so bad, why oh why am I being so insensitive! I always know that you adore uni life, the overseas student life, and of course it\'s definitely something you have been looking forward to, an official graduation ceremony! And yet I took it so lightly when you talked to me about it! Ah! I bet you have been hoping for this dream to come true for a very long period of time. This is something, no not something, a meaningful, very meaningful event for you. Plus the fact that you\'re attending as a parent. I don\'t know how it feels, but it must be a very special emotion. I hope that you are happy that I made it, and we are attending it together. Thinking of you, no words can describe how glad I am, making it to this point. I hope I have made you proud. I love you, dad.

scrambling

Recording down this stage of my life so that I could come back in the future and look back at what I've experienced, my current feelings, thoughts on my mind and my decisions. I'm at this stage of my life where I am a fresh graduate looking for direction in my life. I know that I need to do something with my life, but I just couldn't seem to be sure of what it is. I need something more than just the life I've always thought it would be. Yes I like the career pathway that I'm gonna be in, but is that all I want?   

My whole life has been quite proper, as in I have been taking the steps everyone would say "yeap that's good". I do like my chosen pathway, but I am starting to wonder if I am going too fast in my life that I've missed out on other possibilities. I started SAM in January right after Form 5, then degree in February right after I finish SAM, and now I'm doing professional papers right after my degree. I didn't step back and think about what am I gonna do apart from my chosen career. I am constantly moving ahead, no pausing. I dream of other possibilities, I do, since young in fact, but I just didn't manage to pull myself to the stage that I finally put it into a reality. And eventually I thought okay, I'll definitely realise my dreams, maybe when I'm gonna retire. Maybe I don't have enough faith, or maybe I'm not brave enough, maybe I'm letting the sunlights out there to scare me off...

But now, I realise I just couldn't let myself to push the dreams further. Don't know if it's a good thing aiming more like this, or just focus on my chosen career pathway. But hey, life is short, I don't wanna regret about my life. I firmly believe that no matter what decision we made in the past, we should not regret it even it was a bad decision because we learnt something out of it, no matter how bad the lesson was.

I am currently looking into what I wanna do apart from my chosen career pathway, when, where, and how am I gonna realise it along with my future career. I seriously need to sort things out. Feeling quite lost at this stage...

Could've chosen the left door without lock but I am trying to open the door with lock on the right...


p/s: took the photos above this morning and realised they're totally reflecting my thoughts! such coincidence..

Not an issue

So being born with this height, there's good and bad sides about it. I do envy people with taller height, but oh well, I'm fine with my height. Not that I can do anything with it also, still gonna live with it, plus the little sad when surrounded with tall hot girls :O (insecure plus confident straight away drop la okay!) or irritated when I can't get things that are arranged on the highest level of the shelves. Stuffs like that then I'm abit upset. Till I came accross this post by one of my favourite blogger, Audrey and I decided to quote some of her views her, to make myself stay positive like her. hehe =)

1. First of all, you’re a girl and girls are not expected to be tall anyway.  It could be worse; you could have been a guy.  Do you know how hard short guys have it! (see, this is how you be optimistic)
(To short guys: sorry I don’t know how you feel.  But if you feel bad, look at it this way.  At least you’re a guy!  You don’t have glass ceilings at work places and gender discrimination!  You will also never be susceptible to vaginal mutilation.  And less likely to contract HIV I think)
2. Second of all, being short is an ice-breaker.  Seriously.  I suspect people have greater propensity to feel kindly towards shorter girls.  Say, if I make a joke about my height, it always gets a laugh, and people may add on to it and people bond over that (making jokes, not over my height)  And if they get closer to me, I realize that people tease me for being short affectionately, not in a bullying way.  I don’t see how is that a bad thing.
3. Shorter girls tend to be cute.
4. Everyone (male and female alike) feels protective over small girls.  They’ll let you squeeze to the front of a crowd without glaring at you too much cos you won’t block their view.  They’ll help you open your canned drinks wtf.
5. You will always look young.  Cannot think of a better reason than this.
6. People remember you.  Would you rather be remembered for being short (and cute) or forgotten?  Once a bouncer at a club in Miami didn’t believe I was over 21 although I had ID.  He told me I had to jump up and touch the sign before he’d let me in WTF so I did.  The key is to not take yourself so seriously and you’ll be fine.  The bouncer loved it!  He laughed and let me in, and looked out for me afterwards to say bye. 

I can’t help being short.  But there’s no reason why it should bother me unless I let it.  I love being this height!  I would never change it.

         < http://fourfeetnine.com/2012/03/21/being-short/ >

Now that's a lesson for me! Should start loving my height and don't let it be my obstacle =)