scrambling

Recording down this stage of my life so that I could come back in the future and look back at what I've experienced, my current feelings, thoughts on my mind and my decisions. I'm at this stage of my life where I am a fresh graduate looking for direction in my life. I know that I need to do something with my life, but I just couldn't seem to be sure of what it is. I need something more than just the life I've always thought it would be. Yes I like the career pathway that I'm gonna be in, but is that all I want?   

My whole life has been quite proper, as in I have been taking the steps everyone would say "yeap that's good". I do like my chosen pathway, but I am starting to wonder if I am going too fast in my life that I've missed out on other possibilities. I started SAM in January right after Form 5, then degree in February right after I finish SAM, and now I'm doing professional papers right after my degree. I didn't step back and think about what am I gonna do apart from my chosen career. I am constantly moving ahead, no pausing. I dream of other possibilities, I do, since young in fact, but I just didn't manage to pull myself to the stage that I finally put it into a reality. And eventually I thought okay, I'll definitely realise my dreams, maybe when I'm gonna retire. Maybe I don't have enough faith, or maybe I'm not brave enough, maybe I'm letting the sunlights out there to scare me off...

But now, I realise I just couldn't let myself to push the dreams further. Don't know if it's a good thing aiming more like this, or just focus on my chosen career pathway. But hey, life is short, I don't wanna regret about my life. I firmly believe that no matter what decision we made in the past, we should not regret it even it was a bad decision because we learnt something out of it, no matter how bad the lesson was.

I am currently looking into what I wanna do apart from my chosen career pathway, when, where, and how am I gonna realise it along with my future career. I seriously need to sort things out. Feeling quite lost at this stage...

Could've chosen the left door without lock but I am trying to open the door with lock on the right...


p/s: took the photos above this morning and realised they're totally reflecting my thoughts! such coincidence..

Not an issue

So being born with this height, there's good and bad sides about it. I do envy people with taller height, but oh well, I'm fine with my height. Not that I can do anything with it also, still gonna live with it, plus the little sad when surrounded with tall hot girls :O (insecure plus confident straight away drop la okay!) or irritated when I can't get things that are arranged on the highest level of the shelves. Stuffs like that then I'm abit upset. Till I came accross this post by one of my favourite blogger, Audrey and I decided to quote some of her views her, to make myself stay positive like her. hehe =)

1. First of all, you’re a girl and girls are not expected to be tall anyway.  It could be worse; you could have been a guy.  Do you know how hard short guys have it! (see, this is how you be optimistic)
(To short guys: sorry I don’t know how you feel.  But if you feel bad, look at it this way.  At least you’re a guy!  You don’t have glass ceilings at work places and gender discrimination!  You will also never be susceptible to vaginal mutilation.  And less likely to contract HIV I think)
2. Second of all, being short is an ice-breaker.  Seriously.  I suspect people have greater propensity to feel kindly towards shorter girls.  Say, if I make a joke about my height, it always gets a laugh, and people may add on to it and people bond over that (making jokes, not over my height)  And if they get closer to me, I realize that people tease me for being short affectionately, not in a bullying way.  I don’t see how is that a bad thing.
3. Shorter girls tend to be cute.
4. Everyone (male and female alike) feels protective over small girls.  They’ll let you squeeze to the front of a crowd without glaring at you too much cos you won’t block their view.  They’ll help you open your canned drinks wtf.
5. You will always look young.  Cannot think of a better reason than this.
6. People remember you.  Would you rather be remembered for being short (and cute) or forgotten?  Once a bouncer at a club in Miami didn’t believe I was over 21 although I had ID.  He told me I had to jump up and touch the sign before he’d let me in WTF so I did.  The key is to not take yourself so seriously and you’ll be fine.  The bouncer loved it!  He laughed and let me in, and looked out for me afterwards to say bye. 

I can’t help being short.  But there’s no reason why it should bother me unless I let it.  I love being this height!  I would never change it.

         < http://fourfeetnine.com/2012/03/21/being-short/ >

Now that's a lesson for me! Should start loving my height and don't let it be my obstacle =)

New place. Again

Finally everything is settled. Not literally every single thing, but almost. Oh well. Thought that we're lucky to get a corner unit of the apartment, gonna happily adapt to this new environment smoothly and happily. Turns out not so smooth. Internet issue with the apartment management team, internet contract cancellation, new internet, visa application, tuition enrolment misunderstanding, group study arrangements, job applications... Ahhhhhh!!! Glad that now I'm adapting well after settling those issues, well, except for job's part and coping with my studies. I was quite confident before the semester starts, thought that as long as I am discipline enough and allocate enough time on the studies, 3 subjects wouldn't be worse than University's 4 subjects per semester. But I'm so so so wrong! First, the semester period is so much shorter, which is only 2 and a half months! Freaking 2 and a half months then exam! No mid-semester break whatsoever! Then the study materials are like paragraphs style, just like text book! Siao! Plus the scopes are so broad and brief, I need to refresh my memories from my University's subjects to be able to remember the details. TELL ME HOW!

Looking on the bright side, I am really being more discipline, studying every single day. If I'm lazy I'll make sure I study at least some pages even if I need a day off from my studies. Hopefully I can make it! In addition to this after-uni life, I'm happy that I'm getting along with my housemate, like really well. Not sure why, but I feel like we've been staying here together for like forever even though it's actually just a month! Actually, it's not even a month yet lol... I guess it's because we have things in common, more obvious ones are coffee cravings and passion for photography. Of course the main factor of all will most probably be our attitude. We probably have very similar kind of principles and thoughts. At least, that's how I feel so far. We can exchange opinions, discuss and get through things together, and chit chat comfortably like old friends. Also, I think I can somehow see part of myself in her, I could relate to her ups and downs because I was once in those situations before, probably still, but I know I am becoming more stronger now. Life is going great now, I cook and we'll eat together, she don't mind whatever food I cook so I don't need to worry about my cooking lol, we'll eat out/maggie when I'm lazy, hunt for new coffee shop and take half a day off to walk around sight seeing or shopping once a week.

On the first two weeks, I really miss Adelaide badly, it's so much crowded here, so hectic! It's so different from what I felt the last time I came here for travel. Everyone is rushing, no one cares to say hi, no one cares to smile, drivers are unfriendly. Plus it really doesn't feel like a western place here, so many international brands and asian restaurants. It's just like another big city like in every other country. But in Adelaide, I can feel that I am in a different space. But now, I am slowly accepting, start exploring the hidden culture here. Well, this is a bigger city afterall. So in exchange it has all yummy food from various countries, all sort of brands, people from every corner of the world. And I've attended some festivals here, namely Suzuki night market (only mid Nov till end of Feb) and Moomba Festival. Watched my first fireworks in Melkbourne with the housemate =)

My graduation ceremony is confirmed. Dad is coming over and we're gonna enjoy it. I hope that he is proud of me. Looking forward to the trip actually, to experience a once in a life time ceremony, to meet up with friends, to go back to Adelaide, and to really have a break. Then it's my exams! Full speed to the exams! I can do it!

Always be thankful for everything and then we'll be happy, most of the time =D